Admitting we need help doesn’t mean we are weak. It does not make us “less than” to ask for help. Just the opposite, it makes us stronger to admit when we need support. It’s also vital for our mental health!
I don’t know why we feel we need to do everything on our own. We have to prove to someone, or ourselves, that we can handle it all on our own. We think about what asking for help ” looks like'” but we don’t consider how it will make us feel. Spoiler alert you will feel completely burnt out, and that can lead to a scary emotional state. I am not saying it causes depression, but depression does feed on that burnout.
When you burn out as a mom, you burn out bad. It’s bad because it doesn’t just affect you, it will affect your whole family.
Whether you need help with day-to-day things or emotional support, you have to find a way to overcome your pride or whatever it is that is holding you back and ask for help. The same goes for accepting help.
Looking back there have been so many times I know I should have asked for help, and I didn’t. Be it from a therapist or those closest to me, asking for and accepting help has never come easily to me.
The lightbulb finally went off recently. I finally realized asking for help wouldn’t make me weak. When we moved stateside, I thought I could do so much more than I actually could, and that I completely burnt myself out.
Trying to do it all and making sure everyone else was ok kept me so busy I ignored my own delicate emotional state.
It affected how I acted as a mother, as a wife, as a person. I was exhausted which I led to being impatient, angry, and anxious. I was falling back into that dark hole I had avoided because I didn’t have the energy or time to pay attention to myself and where I was going.
I didn’t register what was going on within me because I didn’t have the time. Correction…it wasn’t a priority, so I didn’t make the time. Not making sure my cup was full first was a big mistake.
The same day I learned it was ok to say no was the day I realized it was ok to accept help. When I got sick I had no choice, either I took the help, or my kids weren’t going to go to school because I couldn’t leave my house.
Saying “yes I will accept your help'” the first time was like ripping off a band-aid. It was hard to do, but once you got over the sting, everything was fine. Nobody thought me weak or “less than.”
Since then asking for help when I need it has become easier. I still need reminding that it’s ok, but each time it gets easier to let go.
We moms feel the pressure of being “super moms.” What does that even mean? Think about it. Ask someone else what they think it means. Chances are the answers are different. Ask a person you consider a super mom. I bet she has her, different, idea of a super mom. She probably doesn’t even consider herself a super mom. I bet she has another person she considers a super mom. We don’t feel we do enough. We don’t feel we ARE enough. Why?
Needing help is ok!
Let me put it this way. Ironman has Pepper Potts, the Avengers, and all his fancy gadgets to help him and people don’t think him as a “less than” superhero. He just as awesomely saves the planet every time.
We look over the fence and think, “Other moms can do much more than I can…I should be doing the same.” The thing is we don’t truly know what is going on with anyone else. They might be “doing it all,” but maybe their “all” isn’t the same as ours.
Each of us is different. We all have different limits, and just because your limit might be different from the person next to you doesn’t make it any less valid.
I repeat it’s ok to ask for help. The whole “it takes a village” thing is real! We might need help from family, friends, therapists, and that’s ok. It’s better than ok. It means you are aware and strong enough to know you need support.
We should all be ok with accepting help. Be it something simple like organizing a carpool, or something deeper like asking someone to listen before we break. Our mental state depends on being aware enough to know when we need help.
It doesn’t make you a bad mother, a bad wife, or a person who is “less than” anyone else if you ask for help. We are all supermoms doing the best we can. Like I tell the kids you can’t do more than your best.